I've been seeing this one quote on Facebook a lot about how this couple stayed married for a LONG time: "we came from a time where if something was broken we fixed it, not threw it away." It really got me thinking.
We see a lot of negative hype against marriage. People think "oh you gave up on your marriage." You get a lot of bad looks from people that have no idea about the situation or reasons behind the divorce. I have been there. I was that single mom that people stared at, glared at and judged. Let me tell you a few things about divorce.
My divorce has been one of the most important and difficult decisions I have ever made in my entire life. You see, most people saw us (my ex and myself) as a seemingly nice couple/family. They saw me smile when I talked to other people. They saw me happily, and sometimes unhappily, tend to my infant son. They saw my ex's arm around my shoulders at Church. What they didn't see was the anxiety I had at the thought of going home after work. They didn't see me being the sole provider for my son and tending to all the household chores, dog, etc while my husband was distracted with other things while being at home. They didn't see the verbal and emotional abuse I endured. They didn't see my son beg for attention from his father.
It is unfair for strangers to judge divorcees for any reason. You never know if that smiling woman at church is being beat at night... or if she is made to be lesser than her husband at home. You do not know if there is infedility or any other possible issue going on in that home that you simply do not see.
I did not throw my marriage away. I begged for us to go to counselling... civilian or church related many many times. I had hope for our future. I was told "no. I don't want to. We don't have any issues." When we did go to counselling, nothing was really accomplished. Anyone can check the block in front of a doc and go home and put that list of "ways to improve" in the trash.
I worked extremely hard to FIX my marriage. One key thing that others need to see is that you can not fix a relationship of two people with only one person working. It has to be a team effort. You have to make sure that both people are working their hardest for that relationship. One person can not do it alone.
The saying is true to an extent that things are easily thrown away in our day and time, but that is not always the case. We should break the stigma of all divorces indicating that they just gave up and threw it away. Sometimes, you become a victim of circumstances that you can not control. Please be nice and not judge.
I am so thankful for my divorce. It stopped me from continually being the victim of verbal and emotional abuse and separation. It helped me to raise my son in a healthy environment. It opened the door of opportunity to meet my current husband and to know real love. I know that getting a divorce was also one of the best decisions I made in my life.
Disclaimer: This was not intended for anyone in specific, it was just on my mind.
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